


From Lovers to Strangers

by Mrembo23



Category: Adam Lambert - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-06
Updated: 2012-05-13
Packaged: 2017-11-04 23:04:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrembo23/pseuds/Mrembo23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Sauli love each other but love is not the problem, will they manage to hang on despite all the challenges they face?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, this is my first attempt at a fanfic so be kind when reading and commenting on it. I had no beta so any errors are my own; I want to continue it if the response is favorable. If not, well I had a good two hours writing and editing this story. The characters are my own depictions so don’t relate anything to real life. Cheers and enjoy!!!  
************************************

Adam is on his way home from the studio. It was a productive day and he is happy that he and his co-writer seemed to gel and the creative juices were flowing. He gets frustrated on days when the inspiration deserts him or he doesn’t click with the producer creatively. He looks out the window and watches other LA drivers equally aggravated by the slow moving traffic. Adam can’t wait to get home and see his boyfriend Sauli. He pictures the smile that will grace his love’s face on his arrival and how he does this little jump of excitement right before launching himself in his waiting arms.  


Thoughts of Sauli cause Adam to break into a grin and his heart to skip a beat. How did he get so lucky? What had he done in his life to deserve this angel of a man? It seems the Fates were finally kind to him when it came to love. Meeting Sauli in Jenny Woo was such a coincidence that his heart clenches when he thinks of all the scenarios that could have prevented them from meeting. What if he had decided not to have a gig in Finland? What if he had decided not to go clubbing after his concert? What if Sauli had decided to stay home that night? What if he had left before he had spotted Sauli?  


Adam then tries to imagine a world without his sweet Sauli; his sunny smile and beautiful ice blue eyes. He thinks of all the joy, laughter and love in his life thanks to the diminutive Finnish man and how his life would be empty without it. Most of all he remembers the passionate nights they have had and the sparks that fly when they get down. Memories of Sauli’s small but firm body, his golden tanned skin, the indents on his slim hips, his cock…he loves his cock so well proportioned and beautiful, his boyfriend loves it when he pulls the foreskin back to suck on his very sensitive juicy head, Sauli always gets overwhelmed by the sensations caused by Adam’s hot talented mouth; all these memories cause his dick to twitch and begin to lengthen.  


Adam is startled from his thoughts by a loud honk coming from the vehicle behind him. He realizes that the traffic is moving again albeit at a slow pace. It seems that there was an accident from the police vehicles and policemen up ahead. It dawns on Adam that he will not make it in time for dinner with Sauli at the agreed upon time. He was supposed to be home at 7:30 pm at the latest but it looks like he will be getting home and hour or two late. He pulls his iphone from his pocket and with a frown dials Sauli’s number; it rings three times before he hears his angel’s voice.  


“Baby” Sauli says in a cheery voice as he answers the phone. “I hope that you are almost home because I’m almost done preparing supper”.  


“Hi honey. I am so sorry but there was an accident on the highway and it seems the roads won’t be cleared up for an hour or two” Adam replies.  


“Oh”. The disappointment is palpable in Sauli’s voice. He prepared mashed potatoes, some salad and the meatballs that Adam loves and for dessert he made an apple pie. He knows it is not the healthiest meal but they have been juicing and eating healthy for a few weeks and he wanted Adam to enjoy a nice home cooked meal without worrying about calories. He had also bought some mint chocolate ice cream in case Adam was up for it….like Adam would ever say no to ice cream. However it now seemed that dinner was ruined because by the time he got home and dinner was reheated, the mashed potatoes would be dry and lumpy and the meat balls would have lost their moisture as well.  


“Baby, I’m so sorry. I know I promised to be home on time but there is little I can do”. Adam felt a pang of guilt because he has been so busy at the studio leaving Sauli alone most of the time. While he knows Sauli does not mind as he enjoys going out exploring and picking up Finnish friends from God knows where, he also knows that he gets lonely at times and wants to spend quality time with his boyfriend. Adam wishes the situation was different but its one of the things that comes with dating a singer and he knows that Sauli is able to handle the pressure.  


“Its okay sweetheart, drive home carefully and I’ll see you when you get here.” Sauli replies though Adam can hear the dejected tone in his voice.  


“Thanks baby and I love you so much. I have really missed you today and I can’t wait to see you.”  


“I love you too. Be safe okay?” Sauli says feeling marginally better after Adam’s sweet words.  


“Okay baby. Bye.” Adam replies as he hangs up. He wishes he could pick up some flowers or something to take home to Sauli but that would take more time and he is really eager to see him. He sighs and leans back in his seat, resigned to wait for the roads to clear up.

************************************  


Sauli takes the time that Adam is away to catch up on all the Finnish shows that he knows his boyfriend has no interest in watching. He is currently watching Finnish Idols but his mind is elsewhere. He knows he shouldn’t be this upset about Adam coming late but he feels lately they don’t spend that much time together and he fears the great connection they have will suffer if not nurtured. It seems that every time Adam gets home, they spend a little time having dinner and watching a bit of TV before they go to bed. While the sex is fan-fucking-tastic, usually Adam is so tired after that he falls asleep straight away only to wake up very early to check his email and get ready to leave for the studio.  


He can’t remember the last time they just hang out the whole day; talking, laughing, cuddling and just being them. Adam is usually free on Sundays but they spend that time with his family and friends who also want a bit of Adam’s time. Sauli always accompanies Adam but they are in a crowd and so they end up not getting any intimate quiet time by themselves.  


Sauli’s mind then wanders to the night he met Adam, he remembers their first night fondly with a smile on his face. He really did not stand a chance once Adam set his eyes on him; his boyfriend has such a magnetic personality that he was sucked in from the word go. He knew after Paris that he had left a big piece of his heart with Adam though he did not tell him at the time since they were still so unsure of what the future held. He remembers after the night they met in Helsinki, he had googled Adam and the images had taken him back. His man was gorgeous but it seemed that his lifestyle was so out there, a club kid as others referred to Adam. He studied the pictures of Adam and his then boyfriend Brad that were leaked during the American Idol process. The costumes, the make up and the wild parties…is that .what Adam looked for in a boyfriend? He had feared his lifestyle would be too tame for Adam, yes he loved going out and going on adventures with friends but he also liked peace and quiet on weekdays. He loved staying home with a good movie and a glass of wine just relaxing. Adam on the other hand seemed to love the night life regardless of the day of the week.  


Sauli would not compromise himself and had decided that if they proved incompatible then he would end their budding relationship and even if it would hurt, it would be better to do so now than later when he had deeper feelings for Adam. His fears however were unfounded since the connection that Adam was so desperately looking for in the clubs and with twinks he found in Sauli and the more serious they became the less restless Adam became. In fact sometimes Sauli is the one who would insist they go out when all Adam wanted to do was stay home, watch a movie and have hot sex with his boyfriend.  


Yes, Adam has come far, Sauli conceded and he couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend. He was so intense; he literally made you feel like you were the only person in the world, especially during sex. Sauli felt consumed by him and could only hang on for the ride when Adam got in “the zone” as he liked to call it. His man was also sweet, romantic, kind hearted, intelligent and so beautiful he took Sauli’s breath away. He felt so lucky to have Adam in his life and he had really enriched his life in every way.  


However Sauli begun to wonder if he was already beginning to feel a disconnect between them which worried him since Adam was still home. What would happen when he went on tour? What would become of them then? He is interrupted from his musings by the loud ramble of a car engine…Adam is home. His heart skipped a beat at the thought of being wrapped up in his tall and strong boyfriend’s arms. He eagerly rushes to open the door and waits for Adam as he gets out of his car; he is so excited that he can’t help but jump a little on the spot in anticipation of hugging his boyfriend.  


Adam is so happy and relieved to see Sauli’s happy smiling face, he walks up to the door just in time to catch Sauli’s lithe body as he jumps into his arms. A feeling of peace and contentment washes over him, this right here is what he has been searching for; a man that makes his body burn with desire and makes his heart full with happiness and love. He tightens his arms around his boyfriend whose head is buried in his chest and clinging on to him for dear life. Sauli lifts his head for a kiss and his eyes flutter closed as he lowers his head eager for a taste of his boyfriend. It starts out as a chaste kiss until Sauli licks Adam’s bottom lip begging for entry. Their mouths open as their tongues meet for the first time in hours, eliciting moans from both of them. Adam’s body ignites like a flame exposed to oxygen as he grabbed Sauli’s neck tilting his head so as to be able to deepen the kiss even further; this makes his boyfriend whimper and clutch on to him even more frantically. They stop for breath but keep their lips close together as they pant into each other’s mouths.  


“Fuck baby, you are so hot” Adam says as he bends slightly putting his hands under Sauli’s upper thighs and hoisting up as he stands. His boyfriend quickly wraps his legs tightly around his waist as he grabs hold of his hair and forcefully guides his mouth back to his. The noises Sauli is making goes straight to his aching cock, he can feel the precum making a damp spot on his briefs. He loves how crazy Sauli makes him and he growls into the kiss when his boyfriend nibbles and licks his upper lip.  


They both seem to realize at the same time that they are making out on the porch and they can easily be seen by his neighbors if they are looking. They laugh breathlessly as Adam sets Sauli on the floor though he quickly takes his hand and leads him into the house. Sauli gives Adam a quick peck on the lips and heads to the kitchen as Adam takes off his boots and hangs up his jacket.  


“Honey, I’m going to freshen up and change out of this shirt” Adam says as he heads to their bedroom.  


“Okay baby, I’m just reheating dinner; it will be ready in a few” Sauli yells out his response.

************************************  


Adam moans appreciatively as he finishes the last of his pie and ice cream. He thanks the Universe for sending him a boyfriend who can cook such tasty meals. The food was a little dry for his liking but he was so hungry and it tasted really good. He will probably regret all the dessert he has eaten in the morning but for now he wants to savor the meal his boyfriend made just for him.  


“You can stop exaggerating now” Sauli says as he rolls his eyes. Adam has been moaning through out the meal making Sauli almost jealous of the food for causing his man to sound like that.  


“Babe that was hands down the best meal I have had in a while. Seriously thanks for doing this for me; it was exactly what I needed.” He leans over and gives Sauli a kiss to express his gratitude.  


“Well you can thank me by doing the dishes. I’m going to run a bath for us.”Sauli replies cheekily as he dashes for the stairs making his way to their bedroom. He knows Adam hates doing the dishes and he chuckles when he hears his boyfriend grumbling under his breath. He hopes that they can have some relaxing time in the bath and touch base since they did not get to talk much over dinner.  


He takes out some towels and heads to their master bathroom where they have a large tub; he runs the water and adds some bath salts. Next he takes out the scented candles that Adam’s mum bought for them and lights a few placing them strategically to create a warm glow in the bathroom. He turns the lights off and starts to undress as he waits for his love to finish up in the kitchen. Just as the bath is filled to the brim, Adam walks into the room smiling when he sees his already nude boyfriend.  


“Are you starting off without me?” Adam asks with a mischievous glint in his eye.  


“Never” Sauli replies as he crosses the room to stand before his man and starts pulling his shirt over his head. Adam assists him since Sauli can’t reach all the way up; they silently work together ridding Adam of every stitch of clothing. Sauli steps into his lover’s arms and tilts his head angling for a kiss; Adam happily obliges him and it’s as if a spark has been ignited between them as the kiss becomes more demanding and hungry. Adam grabs Sauli’s supple ass cheeks roughly, squeezing them before lifting him slightly causing their naked cocks to rub against each other. Their mutual groans echo through the empty room as their dicks twitch and jerk, precum leaking freely down their erect and hard shafts.  


Sauli pulls away first and instructs Adam to get into the tub; he does so enjoying the hot water soothing his sore muscles and leans back against the ledge. Adam intently watches as Sauli climbs in after him and straddles his hips causing some water to spill over the brim of the tub, but they do not notice as they are too consumed watching each other. Adam rubs his hands up and down his boyfriend’s sides lost in those beautiful blue eyes; the stare lasts for a few moments before Sauli’s voice breaks the silence.  


“Adam, do you know how much I love you?” he asks.  


“It can’t be as much as I love you baby, trust me. You are the light in my sometimes dark world; my joy, my heart, my muse, my future, my everything.” Adam answers with such conviction that Sauli feels overwhelmed by the intensity of his declaration. He leans forward wrapping his arms tightly around Adam as he buries his face in the crook of his neck. He feels a rush of love and affection rushing through his body for this man…this man who has become his whole world.  


They hug for a while, holding each other so tightly it’s a wonder there are no broken ribs. Soon though their needy cocks remind them of their desire to express their love physically. They start kissing passionately, tongues dueling fighting for control. Adam grabs Sauli’s ass pushing him against his own groin as Sauli begins to grind and rub himself on Adam.  


“Baby, I need you so bad. I have to have you” Adam whispers roughly against Sauli’s lips. He has this sudden urge to posses this man in his arms and he does not think he has the patience for foreplay at the moment. Later, he can love him slowly, but right now he needs to fuck him and fuck him hard.  


“Then take me. Show me who I belong to” Sauli replies, barely getting the words out as his body trembles in anticipation of this beast of a man making him his.  
Adam reaches for the water proof lube that is usually by the tub and starts preparing his lover. He can’t believe how tight Sauli is even after having made love severally in the last few days. When he can comfortably get three fingers in, he withdraws them and lubes his own dick.  


“I want you to ride me like your life depends on it, okay?” Adam asks as he grabs his boyfriend’s slim hips and lifts him over his throbbing cock.  


“Oh God…fuck…want that dick in me so bad” Sauli mutters incoherently as he grabs the base of Adam’s dick to steady it for his descent. “Fuck you and your big dick” Sauli swears loudly as Adam’s head breaches the tight ring of muscles. He will never get used to its girth and he both loves it and hates it.  


Adam smiles when he hears his man say that because he always says the same thing on penetration but when his cock is hitting all the right spots, he is screaming to all the deities known to man thanking them for giving his boyfriend such a beautiful dick. His smile soon turns to a grimace as he resists the urge to thrust into his boyfriend’s tight velvet channel but he knows he has to wait for Sauli to accommodate him….the last thing he wants to do is cause his angel any type of pain.  


They soon begin the rhythm and dance that they know too well, there cries of pleasure fill up the room as Sauli hold on to the sides of the tub to give him leverage to move against Adam. When the head of his boyfriend’s dick hits his prostate he almost wails in pleasure. He continues moving and grinding against Adam whose head is thrown back in pleasure. With time Adam’s dominating nature takes place and he grabs hold of Sauli lifting him up and placing him on the ledge against the wall, he raises his knees placing them on either side of his boyfriend effectively fucking Sauli against the wall. His rhythm is punishing and Sauli lets go and enjoys the pleasure that his boyfriend is giving him.  


“Touch your dick baby….that’s it…stroke your head…play with your balls babe….I’m almost there….common baby stroke that dick for me” Adam instructs Sauli as he continues to fuck him. He can feel his balls starting to draw up into his body and he knows he is going to come at any moment. He moves Sauli’s hand off his dick and starts stroking it himself focusing on the sensitive glands just below the head. Sauli’s answering cries encourage him and before he knows it, his boyfriend comes spurting hot creamy cum all over his hand. This is all he needs as he growls when his whole body tenses as he comes hard into his boyfriend’s used hole.  


They hold each other as they come down from their post coital high; words of adoration and love are whispered as any available skin is kissed and worshipped. Eventually they get off the ledge and Sauli drains the now cold water replacing it with some hot water. Adam settles on one end of the tub as Sauli lies between his splayed legs. His hands settle on his boyfriend holding on tight as Sauli strokes his thighs. They lie in silence just enjoying being in each others company.  


“So baby, how was your day?” Sauli asks breaking the stillness.  


“It was awesome sweetheart; the new song is coming along great. We had a really good session today and I hope it continues tomorrow.”  


“That’s great, so what is the song about?” Sauli replies smiling at the enthusiastic response.  


“It’s about…..” Adam is interrupted by his ringing phone. He gently moves Sauli forward as he rushes to answer it before it goes to voicemail. “Hello….oh hi Dana….tomorrow is not possible….no I want to do it but we have to reschedule it….wait let me call you back in a minute.”  


Sauli sighs knowing that their evening of relaxation is over. He gets up and removes the stopper letting the bath water drain off. Adam tells him he needs to go to the office and talk some things over with his manager regarding his schedule. He is off with a towel wrapped around his waist before Sauli can formulate a response. He decides to get ready for bed since he doesn’t know how long Adam will be; he brushes his teeth, puts out all the candles and cleans up the bathroom before heading to the bedroom. He puts on a pair of briefs and heads downstairs to the kitchen for a drink of water; he decides to get two bottles since he knows that Adam sometimes wakes up in the night thirsty.  


He passes the office signaling to Adam that he is off to bed; Adam replies that he will be right up. As Sauli prepares to get into bed, he deliberates whether to remove his briefs; they usually sleep nude but he is feeling a bit vulnerable and frankly like he was dismissed. So with that in mind, he gets in and turns on the TV watching some mindless reality show as he waits for his boyfriend. It takes Adam half an hour to finish up and by the time he gets ready for bed, Sauli is brooding about the fact that yet another day has passed by and they have not had any quality time together.  


Adam totally oblivious to Sauli’s mood gets in behind his boyfriend slipping one arm under his neck acting as a pillow and the other he wraps around his boyfriend’s waist pulling him close.  


“Mmmmm baby you feel so good, sorry about that but had some stuff to sort out” Adam says.  


“Its okay” is Sauli’s quiet response as he places his hand over Adam’s linking their fingers and pushing back as far as he can go into his boyfriend’s body. Adam turns off the light and TV and begins to tell Sauli about the songs he is working on. When he is done, he asks Sauli what he did during the day; Sauli excitedly tell him about the restaurant he went to for lunch and he hopes that they’ll go there sometime since the food was really good. When Sauli starts telling him about an art gallery he visited, he notices that Adam’s arms around him have gone limp and he is starting to snore.  


A pang of loneliness hits Sauli unexpectedly; how can he feel lonely when he is in the arms of his love? He realizes that Adam has his own work and obligations that keep him busy and at that moment he wishes he was back in Finland with friends and family around him. As quickly as that thought enters his mind, he banishes it because Finland does not have his heart….his heart lies in the man snoring behind him. Sauli is left wondering if the gap he is starting to feel between them will continue to grow leaving them like strangers living in the same house. If it’s like this now, what will happen when Adam has to travel for long periods of time for work and will be too busy to spare him more than a few minutes of his time? Sauli thinks back to when an interviewer asked him what he hopes for in a boyfriends and he said someone that can be his best friend and equal. How then can they be equal when Sauli is always left behind and Adam seems to be too busy or preoccupied to spare more time for their relationship? Adam did not even notice or bother to ask Sauli why he was wearing briefs to bed when he has never done so before. It’s with those thoughts that Sauli drifts off into a fitful sleep dreading the day that they look at each other not recognizing the other or the reasons they fell in love in the first place!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys, sorry for the late update but I was in a comatose after listening to Trespassing for the first time and could barely function let alone write chapter 2. Anyway this is not a long story so a couple of more chapters to go. I did this very quickly, trying to write behind the boyfriend’s back lol so any errors are my own. I am not an American so I do not use American English in case anyone was wondering :P Enjoy!!!  
************************************  


Adam wakes up to the sound of his alarm, he reaches for his phone as quietly as he can so as not to wake his sleeping boyfriend who is practically lying on top of him. He turns off his alarm and notices that he has some email notifications; however he opts to check them later as he wants to spend some time cuddling with his man before he heads to the studio. He feels Sauli beginning to stir and tightens his arms around him enjoying his warm weight on him. He has never lived with a boyfriend before but he can not imagine not living with Sauli; coming home to an empty cold house, sleeping alone, missing out on the constant companionship and love that surrounds him on a day to day basis. No, he definitely does not miss being single.  


“Morning babe” Sauli’s scratchy voice alerts Adam that his boyfriend is now awake.  


“Morning” Adam places a tender kiss on Sauli’s forehead and smiles when he feels Sauli place a kiss on his chest. He absolutely loves how much of a cuddler Sauli is and he knows how much he loves being held in the morning before they start their day. However Adam’s thoughts are far from innocent especially when he feels Sauli’s morning wood pressing against his hip. He nudges Sauli encouraging him to lift his head for a kiss; they had long since established that neither of them cared about morning breath or rather they were too horny to go brush their teeth before their morning fuck.  


They begin kissing slowly as Sauli moves to straddle Adam’s hips; the kiss becomes more passionate as their tongues swirl around each other. Adam groans when he feels Sauli grind his ass against his very hard weeping cock. He wraps his hands tightly around his boyfriend’s slim waist and rolls them over settling himself in between Sauli’s splayed thighs. They both groan when their naked cocks rub against each other, the precum acting as lubricant as their wantonly grind their hips into each other.  


Adam breaks off the kiss and starts kissing along Sauli’s jaw making his way to his neck and collarbones. He places wet and open mouthed kisses on every inch of his man’s golden chest, spending several minutes sucking and tugging at his nipples much to the pleasure of Sauli who is moaning rather loudly. He settles himself between Sauli’s legs and spreads his thighs wider apart; he would like to take his time teasing his boyfriend but he knows he is on a time constraint. He buries his face in Sauli’s groin, inhaling the musky scent that he loves.  


“You smell so fucking good baby. I could spend all day down here” Adam says as he presses his nose against Sauli’s balls that are heavy with need. He licks one of them sucking it into his mouth as Sauli cries out in pleasure.  


“Oh God….fuck….fuck….so good”  


Adam lets go of the sac and pulls the other one into his mouth sucking hard. He releases it and lifts both balls to lick the sensitive skin just above Sauli’s quivering bud.  


“Baby please suck my dick….I need you so bad” Sauli says as he grabs a fistful of Adam’s hair and guides his head to his aching cock. He is so hard the tip is almost purple and it’s starting to hurt.  


Adam places a kiss on the tip of Sauli’s dick and licks it from base to the head as he sucks it into his mouth moaning at the taste of his boyfriend. He releases it with an audible pop from his mouth and peels back the foreskin blowing at the head.  


“Fuck…oh fuck…shit baby” Sauli throws his head back against the pillows arching his back at the overwhelming sensations.  


“I love it when you’re like this babe…so feral…so raw…common fuck my mouth” Adam says as he puts his hands under his boyfriend’s ass encouraging him to thrust into him mouth. Sauli holds Adam’s head in place and starts lifting his hips thrusting his cock into his boyfriend’s eager mouth. Adam lifts one of his hands sticking two fingers into Sauli’s mouth which he eagerly licks; when they are slick with saliva, Adam withdraws them and shoves them deep into his man’s ass. Sauli shouts out his pleasure when Adam’s fingers brush against his prostrate, he is so loud that sure his neighbors heard him and probably think he is being butchered to death.  


Adam swirls his tongue repeatedly over the head of Sauli’s cock concentrating on slit and the glands on the underside. He sucks the whole shaft into his mouth creating a vacuum by sucking in his cheeks; when the head hits the back of his throat he swallows around it constricting it. He moans and the vibrations around Sauli’s cock prove too much as spurt after spurt of hot cum floods his throat. He swallows every last drop as he reaches for his own dick, he is so turned on by his boyfriend’s look of ecstasy that he comes that after a few strokes.  


Adam climbs back on top of his man kissing him as they share the taste of Sauli’s release. They spend the next several minutes making out, caressing and whispering words of adoration. Adam is proud to see the flushed look on his baby’s face and how he doesn’t seems coherent at the moment knowing he is responsible for it. Sauli peppers kisses all over Adam’s face thanking him and tells him how much he loves and adores him.  


Adam looks at the clock and realizes he is cutting it way too close and he needs to get ready if he is going to make it on time to the studio. He drags his boyfriend to the shower and they reverently wash each other. He gets dressed as Sauli goes down to prepare a quick breakfast for them. When he is ready he kisses his boyfriend goodbye and walks to the car with a spring in his step wondering for the umpteenth time how he got so lucky. He drives to the studio his mind already on work-mode thinking of the lyrics he wants to add to the song he is currently working on.  
************************************

Sauli sits on the park bench people watching; he is waiting for his friend Lotta. They had made plans to meet up and just hang out for the day. He thinks back to the last couple of weeks with his boyfriend….the thought of Adam sends a flutter of excitement through his heart as he remembers their morning shenanigans. He had asked Adam to set aside a weekend so they can go on a quick get-away just the two of them; he didn’t care what or where they went, he just wanted to have his man’s undivided attention if only for a couple of days. Adam has promised to do his best and he seemed excited at the prospect as well. Sauli did not want to be selfish and try to monopolize Adam’s time but he did not think it was a bad thing to want some quality time with his partner.  


If he was back in Finland at least he would be busy helping out his dad and that consumed a lot of his day as the jobs he did were usually labor intensive. However for him to get employed by an American company he would have to face a lot of red tape to get working papers and he did not know if it was worth the hassle. Besides which his current visa allowed him to stay in America indefinitely as long as he continued to work for a Finnish media outlet which he was in a small capacity.  


He knew some of Adam’s fans thought he was nothing but an opportunist and a gold digger who latched on to Adam with hopes of a better life in the US. It seemed they did not understand the personal sacrifices he made to come here; his dad had his own business that made millions of dollars in revenue, coupled with the fact that he had made some wise investments over the years and while he was not the richest man in Finland, he was quite prosperous in his own right. In the end he knew that he came from a good family and had left his whole life back in his home country so that he could be with his love; who was worth every sacrifice.  


Sauli reaches for his phone when he feels its buzzing in his pocket, he smiles when he sees the name Danielle flashing on the screen. They regularly keep in touch and she usually calls when she needs a shopping buddy or just wants to check up on him. He laughs at her usual greeting; he doesn’t know why she refers to him as her Finnish cupcake but he always has a laugh talking to her. They speak for a few minutes and he fills her in on his plans with Lotta; they hang up with plans to hook up soon. He sends a quick text to Adam telling him he loves him and misses him. Just as he is putting his phone away, his friend shows up, they had planned to go surfing later in the day but first they have to go buy their wet suits. He is so excited and can not wait to tell his boyfriend of his adventures if he manages to get home on time.  
************************************  


Sauli watches Adam pack for his trip, his boyfriend is going to Europe for two weeks on a promo tour. He has all but given up any idea of a get away because there seems to be something that always comes up that has precedence to them going out of town for a few days. The worst part is that he seems to be the only one who is disappointed by the turn of events, while Adam expressed his frustrations with his schedule it seemed he did not mind as much.  


“Baby, please stop pouting, I will be back before you know it.” Adam does not seem to understand why Sauli is being so morose about his impending trip. It’s not like he has not travelled before and Sauli seemed to be okay with it. He leans over the bed and sucks his boyfriend’s delectable pouty bottom lip before kissing him deeply.  


“I’ll miss you, that’s all” Sauli replies when they break apart.  


“Awww I’ll miss you too baby…I’ll be sure to bring you something good from London” Adam smiles and resumes his packing. He wonders what has been going on with Sauli lately, he has been acting off and when he asks him what’s wrong he shrugs it off saying he is just homesick.  


That night as they make love, Adam can’t help but notice how desperate Sauli is, clinging on to him like he is afraid that he will disappear if he lets go. Adam can’t help but feel guilty and makes note to do something special and romantic for his man when he comes back from his trip. He has been so busy and everything has been go-go-go that he has not had time to just relax. He leaves the next morning after another steamy session with Sauli and gives him a lengthy kiss and hug before he leaves for the airport.  


Over the next several days, he meets members of the press, does some photo shoots for magazine articles and does some radio tours but his favorite part is meeting fans who are so excited about his upcoming album. He tries to Skype with Sauli as much as possible but with the time difference and his busy program they have not gotten to talk much. He notices that the usual sparkle in Sauli’s eyes is gone and he is not as animated as he normally is. Adam chalks it up to missing him as well as his family; the guilt hits him again and he makes a point of buying him some really nice boots and a very expensive but beautiful chain when he goes out shopping. He really misses his boyfriend and cannot wait to get home when he is done with his obligations in Europe.  
************************************  


The sun sets over the LA sky as Sauli sits in the backyard enjoying a smoke; he feels like a cloud has been hanging over his head since Adam left for London. He has tried to shake off any negative feelings that keep creeping in but at the moment he feels so insignificant in his boyfriend’s life. It hurts to his very soul when his boyfriend can only spare him a few minutes of his time yet that brief interaction is the highlight of his day; he looks forward to every text, phone call and Skype session he has with Adam no matter how brief. He can’t say the same for Adam though, he feels that he is just a by the way for his partner and that thought saddens him to no end.  


Since Adam left, he has gone out with a couple of friends and a few of Adam’s close friends and even his mum have all called to make sure he is not too bored without Adam around. He appreciates their concern but right now more than ever he wishes he was back home in Finland. As if sensing his distress from miles away, he hears his phone ringing and when he reaches for it he is so relieved to see his twin sister’s name on the screen. He is so happy to hear her voice but she immediately knows there is something wrong from his dejected tone. When she asks him what is bothering him, it all comes spilling out and he is embarrassed when he feels his eyes welling up with tears when he explains how loneliness that has become his constant companion of late.  


His sister doesn’t interrupt and lets him finish his tirade; it feels good to talk to someone that understands him completely and has always been his biggest supporter. She asks him if he has talked to Adam and expressed his concerns to him. Sauli considers the question and realizes that he has been acting a martyr suffering in silence when he could have easily approached Adam with his concerns. She empathizes with him and tells him that she loves him and wishes she could be there to give him a big hug. Sauli affectionately teases his sister telling her he is a big boy now and doesn’t need her coddling. When he asks her why she called, she explains that it his nephew’s birthday in a two week’s time and she would really like for him to come to Finland as Emre has been asking about him.  


Sauli feels guilty since he has missed a lot of important days in his family’s life and tells her that he will definitely come even if it’s only for a week. They tentatively agree that he can fly in on Sunday and stay for a week and leave the following Saturday back to LA. She insists on paying for the tickets and asks him to consult with Adam and let her know so she can book as soon as possible. As she hangs up she ¬tells him to stop being such an emo bitch and to have an open discussion with Adam when he returns. Sauli laughs feeling so much better after their conversation and resolves to have a talk with his man when he returns in less than a week.  
************************************  


Adam looks around the table at the faces of his friends and family; thankful for all the warmth and laughter that surrounds him. It is a Friday evening and he is hosting his mum, dad, brother and a few other close friends. They decided to have a welcome home dinner for him at his house; his boyfriend and mum prepared a sumptuous feast that everyone seems to really enjoy. He looks to his right and stares at Sauli who is talking to Lotta in Finnish and they are giggling about something. He puts his hand on Sauli’s thigh and squeezes; his boyfriend looks at him and winks before turning back to his friend.  


He has been home for a little over a week and was so jetlagged that he has spent the first day sleeping in. He was so excited to see his baby and the reunion sex was one for the books, they were so needy for each other that they did not make it to the bedroom. Adam smiles to himself as he remembers how they fucked on the couch with such reckless abandon; they barely lasted ten minutes before they came. He was happy with Sauli’s reaction to his presents but his heart melted when Sauli told him he didn’t need any gifts since him being home was the best gift he could give him.  


Adam had spent the week having meetings with the record label, he has almost finished the album and he was to present the songs to the execs and let them decide which ones they liked best. It was a lot of politics and Adam wishes he did not have to deal with it, but he realizes this is part of being a recording artist and he has to play the game and sell his vision and ideas so that they could release the album the way he envisioned it. The good news was that he would be much more free over the next few weeks and could spend more time with his boyfriend. However Sauli had told him that he wished to go back to Finland for a week and they had not discussed when he would fly out but its was either Sunday or Monday and as much as Adam would miss him, he could not deny him the chance to attend his nephew’s birthday.  


“So Sauli how did you like Venice beach?” Danielle asks his boyfriend.  


“It was amazing; Lotta and I had a lot of fun”  


“That reminds me, I printed a ton of pics and wanted you to have them.” Lotta excitedly says as she pulls a wad of photos from her purse and starts passing them around.  


When they reach Adam and he starts flipping through them, he feels like he has been punched in the gut. There are so many photos of Sauli in various locations; shops, beaches, museums, amusement parks, restaurants and other places in LA. He is smiling in all of them; some he has posed with Lotta and other are solo pics while others are with people that Adam does not know. It feels like there is this whole other life that Sauli has that he is not privy to. In fact he is not even aware that Sauli had visited some of the places in the pictures. He listens as Sauli and Lotta regale the group with all their adventures; Lotta is telling them of how they went to the amusement park and when they were on the rollercoaster Sauli was so scared that he clung to her the whole time and almost cried in relief when it was over.  


Has he been so involved in his own projects and thoughts that he did not bother to find out what his boyfriend has been doing? If someone asked him what Sauli had been up to in the last month, will he be able to answer them? Adam feels his heart start to pound as anxiety grips him…is this why Sauli has been acting weird of late? Adam refills his wine glass and drinks it down rather quickly; he catches Danielle’s eye and she gives him a look as if to ask if he is okay. He nods and smiles at her but by the look on her face it looks like she is not buying it at all.  


As the night progresses Adam has worked himself into a frenzy, his insecurities seem to be emerging making him imagine the worst case scenarios. He feels the effects of the wine that he has generously consumed through the night; when Sauli asked if he was okay he had answered that he just felt tired. Most of the guests had left; it was just him, Sauli, Lotta and Danielle in the house. His best friend managed to corner him when Sauli and Lotta when out to have a smoke.  


“Hey you, so want to tell me what’s been up your ass all night?” She asks in a no nonsense tone.  


“Nothing…I was just thinking”  


“About?”  


“Danny what kind of man doesn’t know what goes on in his boyfriend’s life yet they live under the same roof. I know I have been busy and I haven’t had a lot of time to spend with Sauli; but it feels like he has this other life that I am not apart of and pretty soon he’ll realize that he doesn’t need me in his life at all” Adam says as he heads for the liquor cabinet taking out a bottle of Tequila and reaches for two shot glasses. He knows Danielle is taking a cab to her place so he doesn’t feel bad about offering her the shot.  


“Has Sauli said anything to you about it?”  


“No he hasn’t but he has been asking for us to go on a weekend get away but I have been so busy I have not gotten time to do so. He has been acting off lately though and I chalked it up to him being homesick but I don’t know anymore.” Adam pours himself another shot and downs it, hissing at the burn. He is well past tipsy and is heading for full on drunk.  


“Drinking isn’t going to help anything you know,” Danielle takes the Tequila bottle after Adam pours himself another shot and puts it back to the cabinet. “Listen sweetie, you know I love you right?”  


“Of course I do”  


“Yeah well you tend to over analyze things and read too much into everything. Why don’t you pull on those fierce big girl panties and talk to your boyfriend so that you don’t freak yourself out more”  


Their conversation is halted when they hear Sauli and Lotta approaching them; Sauli heads over to stand next to Adam wrapping an arm around his waist. Adam pulls his boyfriend closer placing a kiss on his forehead. Lotta informs Danielle that their cab has arrived; they live in the same area and decided to share a cab home. Adam and Sauli see them off and after they leave they head to the kitchen taking the glasses the girls had just used.  


Adam has never been known for his patience so he decides to tackle the problem head on. “Baby, I was looking at the pics Lotta brought with her today and why didn’t you tell me about all the places you guys had gone.”  


A heavy silence fills the room as Sauli thinks how best to answer that question; he opts for honesty, “You did not seem interested in what was happening in my life.”  


“What are you talking about? Of course I am interested.” Adam is stunned at his boyfriend’s response.  


“Adam you are never here and when you are we hardly have anytime together. Sometimes you are here physically but your mind is so far away that I feel like I’m all alone in the room. When was the last time we did anything just the two of us huh? When was the last time you had time for me and me alone? So forgive me for not thinking that you may not be interested in what I do during our time apart” Sauli is trying to keep his voice calm but all his pent up emotions just pour out of him and his voice rises as he continues to speak.  


Adam is astonished at the bitterness in Sauli’s voice. Has he been feeling this for a long time; if so why hasn’t he said anything till now. His bewilderment soon turns to anger, “So if you have been feeling like this the whole time why the fuck haven’t you said anything? I am not a fucking mind reader to know how you feel Sauli. I thought we were adults here and part of being in an adult relationship is communication; you do know what that means don’t you?”  


Sauli bristles at the condescending tone in Adam’s voice, “Well why should I force you to take an interest in my life? I always…always make it a point of knowing what is going on in your life. You seem to give two shits about me and it seems I come pretty low in your list of priorities”  


“Where the fuck do you get off making me the bad guy. Don’t we spend almost every night having dinner together and making love?”  


“Oh right, I forgot I am just the guy who slaves over the stove to have a hot meal waiting for you when you get home and the guy you get to fuck every morning and evening or when the need arises.” Sauli shouts back.  


“That is so not fair…..is that how you see our life? Have you become so disillusioned in this relationship that that is what you see us as?”  


“I don’t know anymore, all I know is that I spend more time alone or with other people than I do with you. All I know is that when you can’t spare enough time for me….for us that a little part of me dies because it seems I am the only one that cares to put in any effort in this relationship.” Sauli is trying to fight off the tears he feels stinging at his eyes; he did not envision their conversation going like this at all.  


“Oh poor Sauli, you know you want to play the victim here but again why the fuck didn’t you tell me how you were feeling? I’m I supposed to guess why you are feeling down? How many times have I fucking asked you what was bothering you and you shrugged it off saying you were homesick?”  


Sauli keeps quiet knowing that Adam has a point.  


“How many times Sauli? Nothing to say for yourself….yeah that’s what I thought. So get off your high fucking horse and stop making me the villain. I thought you could handle my work and my schedule…was I wrong in thinking that?”  


“Maybe I am not strong enough to handle it Adam. Maybe I want a boyfriend that doesn’t have to be reminded that he is not spending enough time with me. Maybe I want someone that can spare me more than a few minutes of his time. Maybe I just want to feel that I matter to you….that I am here and that I exist.” Sauli can’t stop the tears that are running down his face.  


Adam’s heart clenches as the implication of his boyfriend’s words. “So what are you saying that you want to break up with me?”  


“Adam I love you….with everything I am I love you. I just want to feel like I matter in your life…that is not too much to ask is it?”  


“So what is it that you want me to do exactly? To stop working…to clear my whole schedule for you? Not all of us have the luxury of watching TV and doing some stupid internet show and filling up a blog with senseless chatter” Adam replied mindlessly, his anger fueled by the alcohol running in his system.  


Sauli gasps at the cruel words coming out of Adam’s mouth; he feels like someone had physically punched him in the gut. Is that how Adam saw him? Is that what he thought of him? Hadn’t he always gone on and on about supporting him regardless of what he chose to do? He felt physically ill and knew he couldn’t continue this conversation because they would end up saying worse things that they couldn’t take back.  


Adam was taken aback by the words he had uttered he couldn’t believe he had said such a cruel thing to his boyfriend. “Baby, I didn’t…..” he stopped when Sauli held up his hand signaling he did not want to hear anymore.  


“I think we have said enough for tonight…I’m going to sleep in the guest room. I would appreciate it if you left me alone for the night.” Sauli’s voice was cold almost mechanical as he left the kitchen. He wiped off the tears streaming down his face though it did not make a difference as other fell generously from his eyes. He heard Adam cursing and talking to himself but he could not be bothered to comfort him at the moment. He needed to get out of that room; he went into the guest room and locked the door. He pulled out his phone dialing his twin sister’s number; he needed her so bad right now. When she picked up he begged her to book the first flight out of Los Angeles. When she asked him what was going on, he asked her to please do as he asked. She got on the computer as he held on; she informed him that there was a flight leaving the next day in the morning at 9:30 am. He told her to book the flight and to pick him up from the airport he would explain everything to her when he got there.  


He stripped out of his clothes and got into bed in his briefs, he stared at the ceiling replaying the fight he had just had with Adam. He needed to get away from this place, he needed perspective and he couldn’t get that with his boyfriend in the next room. He knew it was the coward’s way out, him leaving impromptu but he didn’t care, he was going to be selfish and do what was right for him. He turned on his side clutching one of the pillows, hugging it tight to his body. He would give anything to be in his boyfriend’s strong arms but too much had been said tonight for that to happen.  


Sauli hears a loud crash followed by Adam cursing, he sat up quickly his heart racing; as hurt as he was by his boyfriend he couldn’t bear it if he got injured. He waited in silence for any more movement; he heard Adam come up the stairs and his footsteps stopped outside his door. He could see his shadow at the foot of the door; he held his breath waiting to see what Adam would do. After several minutes he finally left and Sauli could hear their bedroom door close shut. He lay back on his pillow as a sob of anguish escaped him; he hated this, he hated fighting with Adam but he couldn’t put aside all that had been said tonight. He just wanted to be home surrounded by familiar faces; he felt like he had lost himself here and maybe he needed to get some perspective on things if they were to have a shot at making their relationship work. With those thoughts in mind he fell into a restless uneasy sleep after setting his alarm for 5:00 am.  


Sauli was awake before his alarm went off, his heart felt so heavy and he was dreading what he was about to do. He went into the guest bathroom and quickly showered and brushed his teeth with the extra toothbrush reserved for guests. He tiptoed into the master bedroom; his heart clenched when he saw Adam sprawled out on the bed an empty bottle of tequila besides him. He had not bothered changing or getting under the covers. Sauli quickly walked into their closet and put a few clothes and other personal belongings in one of his suitcases; making sure to grab his passport and wallet. When he had everything he needed, he made his way downstairs and placed his suitcase next to the door. He walked into Adam’s office and pulled out a pen and paper writing that he had opted to leave for Finland earlier than they had discussed and that he would let him know when he landed. He debated on what to sign off as but he couldn’t bear to leave it so impersonal so he wrote “Love u. S/”  


He went back into the kitchen and got out a bottle of water; he went back up to their bedroom and put the water on the nightstand on Adam’s side of the bed as well as three pain killers. He leaned over his sleeping boyfriend and kissed his forehead, whispering his love to the prone figure; a tear escaped his eye and landed on Adam’s hair. He placed the letter he had written on his pillow. With one last glance at his love, he left the bedroom his eyes blurred with tears. He hoped he was doing the right thing by leaving and that Adam would not be too mad at him. He knew if he stayed here he would grow even more bitter and may end up doing irreparable damage to their relationship. He walked to the door and gathered his things in one hand, with one last glance at the house that he had made a home, he walked out to wait for the taxi on the driveway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love it...hate it? I'll try to have the next chapter up soon...but next Sunday at the absolute latest. Thanks for reading my silly ramblings ;). XOXO!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think please, I will continue if there is substantial interest. Guaranteed happy ending :). Thanks!!!


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